just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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