I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
