I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
