so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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