i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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