Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
