If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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