I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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