Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found the puke drawer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
