when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
