Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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