I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
