PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
