Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
