I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
