i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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