I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
