So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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