she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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