Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
