i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
