My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
how does that bad decision feel?
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