Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
