Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
