I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
