im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
