I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
