I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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