Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
