the condom got lost in my hair
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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