also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
