1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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