This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
