I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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