guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
