Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
