I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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