Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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