definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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