No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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