so that wasnt chicken after all
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
