If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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