i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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