the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
