Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
