Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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