The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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