There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
