yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
