when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
