He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize