i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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